How to Actually Get What You Want for Mother's Day
Issue #11: A guide to figuring it out and communicating it effectively
Happy almost Mother’s Day! As a mom myself and the writer behind this publication which is literally called The Motherload, I felt the obligation to at the very least acknowledge that Mother’s Day is around the corner.
This post is not another gift guide — but rather, a step-by-step process to go through in order to not only figure out what you want for Mother’s Day, but communicate it shamelessly.
Because, let’s face it, we’ve all experienced disappointment around significant days and events — think birthdays, anniversaries, you get it. We are all guilty of having hopes but not communicating them to those in our lives that can turn those hopes into reality, out of fear that it might come off as “high-maintenance” or “ungrateful” or “spoiled.” But really, we are doing ourselves the disservice here; by not communicating our wishes and desires, we are diminishing our voices and leaving the planning up to our poor husbands who just want to make us happy but (for the most part) need some guidance. (love you so much Mo, you’re great!)
SO. Listen up mamas. It’s time that you figure out what you want, and figure out how to tell your partner what that is. Let’s get into it!
FYI, you can use this guide for significant days in the year other than Mother’s Day too!
🤔 Step 1: Discover
First, let’s take a few minutes to figure out what you want for Mother’s Day.
The main question here is: do you want an item or an experience?
If item(s), here are some helpful categories to ponder:
Think about your day to day life — are there any items that would elevate your existing routines or lifestyle? (E.g. a new robe, slippers, wallet, workout clothes, kitchen tools, tech accessories…)
Are there any items that you’d use for special occasions that you may otherwise forget to buy until you’re getting ready for said occasion? (E.g. a fancy clutch, specific makeup, special jewelry…)
Do you have any splurge items on your wish list? If the price is right, (especially if there’s a Mother’s Day sale going on) now can be a good opportunity to snag it.
If experience(s), here are a few questions to answer to further refine:
If you want a solo experience, here are a few ideas:
A night at a hotel alone
A spa day/session
A day (or part of a day) at home alone, or out of the house
If you want to spend the day with others, here are some ideas:
A date with your partner, and/or each child (Wynne Elder did this on her last birthday and I loved reading about it in her post!)
Brunch or another meal with your family or other moms!
A fun activity with a select person/people (think pottery making, flower arranging, a concert, a bike ride, etc.). You can also do a fun activity alone if you want a solo experience!
In this step, really take the time to research and figure out what you want. Take into consideration time of day, price, and other logistics that might determine this gift turning into a reality.
Now, either select just one thing, or a few options.
🗣️ Step 2: Communicate
Now it’s time for the most crucial step — communicate what you want to your partner!
Either you can give them a few options of approved gifts and let them choose, or choose one thing and tell them what it is. Be CLEAR. Send them a text, email, a letter via snail mail. Write it on a piece of paper and put it on their pillow. Put it on a sticky note and tack it to the mirror. I DON’T CARE HOW you tell them, but you must make sure that however you do, it’s straightforward and to the point. (I don’t mean to yell! You got this!) A helpful motto to live by here, is “secrets, secrets are no fun.” Unless you would rather be surprised at any cost over actually getting what you want, just tell them what your selection(s) are. Simple!
An idea for you — if you feel like “I might as well just order it myself since I have the website up and the item in my cart already” — you can, but first, bring your partner the phone/computer and have them put in a gift note. That way, there’s still the element of surprise because you don’t know what they wrote until the item arrives. (Side note, I’ve done this also with random purchases too. It makes it more fun reading my husband’s cute notes when I get a random Old Navy order in the mail lol)
And lastly (and this part is important) —
Don’t get discouraged if you have to help your partner understand what is required in order to execute a gift!
(This especially applies to experiences). It’s always worth it to spell out the details of what “a day at home, alone” requires from your partner, to ensure you actually get your day at home, alone.
An example of this looks like: telling your partner that they need to come up with a morning activity for your kids, a lunch plan, an afternoon activity, etc. Tell them they will need to pack a diaper bag and go-bag including snacks, extra clothes, car activities, etc.
I know that it’s easy to get frustrated at this step because yes, it’s another example of the mental load that women carry (like why can’t they just know all the things too?) but remember: you won’t actually be compiling the go bag or planning the activities yourself, you just need to transfer the mental load to someone else.
As an umbrella point, you aren’t going to fix the universal problem of women carrying the mental load TODAY, so instead of getting annoyed about it, find a workaround for the day. Make sure they are taking notes, or better yet, record a voice memo with all the instructions so they can listen to it as many times as it takes! Do what you can to support, but then let your partner figure it out without you.
☺️ 3: Relax + Enjoy!
Ok, mama! You’ve done the work on your end, now you can sit back and enjoy the day. Yes, getting Mother’s Day “right” does require some thought if you really want to be happy. But I suggest you take the time and put in the (hopefully minimal!) effort in order to ensure that you feel celebrated and happy.
The bottom line: you deserve the world, and it’s okay to help make that happen.
I’d love to hear: what do you want this Mother’s Day? Drop a comment and leave your thoughts below - I’d love to read!
Anywho, I wanted to share some unrelated-to-Mother’s-Day recs with you:
Watching: You (Netflix)
The series finale is now streaming and this is a show that I hate to admit I love. If you’re not familiar, it’s about a serial killer and it’s pretty disturbing. But also really good…? I finished the season after a few sessions of binge-watching, but a big chunk of it was with the volume off (reading subtitles only) and on 1.5 speed — I know, not the most mature viewing experience (I was scared!), but at a certain point I just needed it to end. The story is really intricate and I found it to be very compelling (season 4 was my favorite!), especially with how it deconstructs this character and lets you into the mind of a murderer. Would recommend if you can handle this type of stuff!
Reading: Great Big Beautiful Life
This is Emily Henry’s new book! I just started it, but I love the author and I find her books to be a fun and comforting escape. This one’s about two writers competing for the prized job of writing an icon’s biography. The synopsis reminds me of The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo (also a great read!) and since I liked that one, hoping I’ll like this as well!
Laundering: baby poop stains
Yes, this is now a special category. Hear me out! My baby has been on antibiotics which means most mornings in the last week have been blowout city. She pooped through her jammies, sleep sack, AND crib sheet — if that tells you how my week has been 🫠. I’ve been using Miss Mouth’s stain remover for the past few years but sometimes the poop stains don’t come out. So, I turned to my trusty sidekick, ChatGPT, to help me figure out how to wash her clothes so that the poop would actually come out. It told me to:
Make a soapy solution with water + detergent and soak the clothes
Spot treat the wet clothes
Wash on cold
If the stain is still there, (this is the kicker) put the clothes in direct sunlight for a few hours and the UV rays will naturally bleach out the stain.
I was initially skeptical, but after completing step 3 and seeing poop still on the clothes, I tried step 4 and I was FLOORED to discover that it actually worked. Not a poop speck in sight. Turns out, this is why many cultures around the world line dry their clothing — the sun is a natural stain remover! WILD. Give this a try next time you have a stubborn stain!
Scrolling:
Just a few Instagram finds that I appreciated this week!
Featuring: Mother’s Day art!
Did you know I’m an artist? 👩🏻🎨 Here’s a print I made a few years ago that has recently proved to be more real than ever (see note below!). It’s available for sale on my Etsy shop! It would make a fun gift for a mom friend or even for yourself! I know I’m biased, but I think it’s hilarious 😂.
And, I posted this a few days ago. It struck a chord, clearly!
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💜 Rachel
Me, opening my Mother’s Day Gift: OMG thank you this is exactly what I wanted! You listened!
Him: Huh? You asked for that? Happy you like it
Guess I just got very lucky 🤣