The Various Loads of Motherhood

Issue #1: On the invisible labor that keeps everything running.

Being a mom is wild. There are so many incredible moments — snuggling with your baby, witnessing milestones, watching them grow into their own person. I firmly believe that the joys of motherhood will always outweigh the challenges. But those challenges are real, and boy do they feel like a lot. What’s been really getting to me recently is the abundance of loads that come with the job — mental, physical, emotional, and otherwise. It’s the abundance of thought, effort, and all types of energy that needs to be put into everything that needs to get done. I’m overwhelmed, and if you’re reading this, I bet you are too.

So who am I, and what am I doing here?

I am a mom to two little girls ages almost 3 years and 8 weeks. I have a wonderful spouse who is in his medical residency, meaning he has a crazy schedule and is not around as much as he or I would like. I work a full-time job which I’m lucky to enjoy, and have a lot of personal ambitions and aspirations of my own. If life only consisted of working and spending time with my family, that would be fabulous. But there are so many other things that are ever-present and never-ending that come up in our day-to-day lives, and often (and almost always, in my case), it’s the mom who is the one responsible for keeping up with it all.

(I should note that I am very much generalizing when I say “mom” and speak about “motherhood” — while I believe these responsibilities tend to skew towards moms statistically, other partners or caregivers can be just as deeply involved, too.)

Let’s start with the “mental load” of motherhood – a term that is deeply resonate and is becoming more and more discussed these days. Take the example of buying seasonally-appropriate clothing for the kids. This isn’t just about going online, adding some clothes to your cart, and waiting for the package to be delivered. What the task actually consists of is: realizing it’s getting cold and your kids don’t have the right clothes for this season in their size, ordering the clothes online or buying them in a store, having your kids try on the clothes (if applicable), and doing the necessary returns within the allotted return window. Not to mention the additional requirement of clearing out the too-small or previous season’s clothes from the closet, organizing, labeling, and putting them away in storage. That’s like 8 tasks (at least) all to tackle a singular problem.

Now multiply these small tasks by every single thing that needs to get done in your home or life — not just for yourself, but for your entire family. The laundry, the meal prep, the gift shopping, the prescription refilling, the birthday parties, the appointments, the weekend plans, the cooking, the cleaning, the researching, the decision making, even the outsourcing. And, for a lot of it, that’s just the mental load.

There’s also the physical load of carrying babies and children, feeding children (whether by breast, bottle, food, etc), wrangling and lifting kids into car seats, and naturally, being a human jungle gym. There’s the emotional load of worrying that never seems to go away (which is the beautiful price we pay for loving little beings with our whole hearts) as well as the pervasive mom guilt so many of us regularly experience. There’s also the social load of maintaining connections with friends and traditions for your littles, not to mention the responsibility of making sure all the gifts are bought, cards are written, and calls are made for everyone on either side of the family. And of course, we’re expected to do all of the above at the same time, within the same limited hours of the day. This is the essence of the motherload. The weight of it all can be overwhelming, and if you’re feeling underwater, you’re not alone.

So, this is why I am starting this this newsletter — to try and figure out how to better manage all the aspects of the various loads and to share my thoughts, ideas, and observations along the way. I live for community, knowledge sharing, and being in solidarity with other moms, and I hope this newsletter can not only be helpful (to me, and also you) but that it can become an enjoyable and helpful read that gives you some inspiration to tackle the next thing on your to-do list.

My goal is to show up in your inbox 1-2 times a month with helpful links, recommendations, hacks, and some crowd-sourcing prompts on all topics related to motherhood with the goal of lightening your load — mental, physical, emotional, and beyond — bit by bit.

Thank you for being here!

Keep breathing,

~ Rachel