Postpartum & Potty Training: More Alike Than You Think
Issue #5: Plus two magical mindset shifts that have made a huge difference + a packed roundup of recommendations
Welcome to The Motherload, a somewhat regular publication where I share hacks and tips for parenthood, recent recs in basically any category, plus anything else that’s on my mind! Thank you for being here!
Hi friends! I’ve been working on this issue for a few days now, mostly because life has been chaotic. My husband is finishing up a rotation in the emergency room, which means this past week I’ve been flying solo as a parent — mornings, evenings, overnight (can you believe?!), and the weekend. He technically had Saturday off, but in true residency fashion, it was what they call a DOMA (“day off my ass”) because he spent most of it sleeping. So, while he was home, he wasn’t exactly home... you know what I mean?
To top it all off, I even braved a Super Bowl party with my two littles on my own. (Big shoutout to my friends for helping me with my kids — you’re the real MVPs!) Honestly, the weekend was brutal, but I’m so proud of myself for making it through. To all the medical spouses out there: I see you, and I’m sending you all the solidarity and strength!
In other news, I’m now about 15 weeks postpartum, and I’m so happy to say that, aside from the occasional sleepless night, I’m feeling pretty great. Meanwhile, our big girl has officially conquered potty training! I’ll admit, I was pretty nervous about this milestone and had no idea how we’d navigate it, but it ended up being so much easier than I expected.
If you’re approaching this stage, here’s what worked for us: we waited until she felt comfortable going to the bathroom both at home and at school (while still wearing diapers every day) before making the leap to go diaper-free. She crushed it! One of the best parts of the experience was watching her confidence bloom and seeing how proud she was of herself every time she used the toilet.
Gentle reminder: every child matures in this area at their own pace, and it’s so important not to compare your kid’s potty training successes or setbacks to someone else’s. My daughter is almost 3, but we know kids who were ready at 2 and others who made progress closer to 4. I believe that there’s no “right” time — just observe your toddler’s cues and do what works best for them and for you.
Trying to conform to an arbitrary timeline can sometimes backfire, so trust your parental instincts and go at a pace that feels right for your family. And if you ever need extra support, don’t hesitate to reach out to a pediatrician or child behavior coach — they’re there to help!
It recently occurred to me that there are some notable (and admittedly amusing) similarities between a newly potty-trained toddler and a postpartum mama. Here’s the list that nobody asked for:
Sometimes a little pee comes out and that’s ok! This ties in nicely to the next point, which is:
There may be some extra laundry to do, but it’s par for the course. Between toddler accidents, baby spit up, postpartum sweat, and basically every other bodily fluid, our washing machine is basically running on a loop.
Laundry room hack: I recently discovered these small and adhesive garbage bags on Amazon (shout out to Alyssa Goldwater on Instagram for the rec!) and they are amazing for collecting dryer lint. I also keep them in my car as a mini trash can - I just stick it on the side of the passenger seat, toss trash in as needed, and throw the whole thing away when it’s full. So easy!
A little, inconspicuous garbage bags for those some specific use cases! This is in my laundry room/closet.
It’s a great time to buy some new underwear!
There are some big identity shifts happening all around.
I feel like the fact that my toddler now wears underwear signifies that she’s officially a big girl! In her mind, she’s not a baby anymore, and this definitely makes an impact on how she views herself. It’s been so beautiful (and bittersweet) to witness her confidence and independence grow.
On my end, the postpartum period is also a huge shift. As a first-time mom, becoming a parent changes your world completely. But even as a second (or third!) time mom, there’s still a big adjustment. Having two kids now means a new family dynamic, more responsibilities, and a whole lot of logistics to juggle.
That said, all in all, we’re doing well over here, and I’m so grateful for that — it’s something I truly don’t take for granted.
Let’s help each other out: how did potty training go for you? If you have any tips for fellow readers, feel free to drop them in the comments!
Quick favor: If you’re enjoying this newsletter, I’d love it if you could tap the heart below and share it with a friend — whether that’s forwarding it along or posting it on your IG stories. It really helps spread the word!
Magical mindset shifts
Here are two mindset shifts that helped me survive the weekend as a solo parent to a 3-year-old and a 3-month-old. If you’re solo parenting or in an overwhelmed stage, maybe these can help!
Make as few time-bound plans as possible:
Leaving the house with two kids has been one of the more stressful parts of life since I had my second. To ease this, I’ve been trying to minimize time-sensitive commitments, and it’s been a game changer for my mental health, especially since my 3 year old takes forever to get ready and transition between activities. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather not spend my whole day barking orders (in a nice way, of course) to a tiny human to put on socks. It’s been really nice to take things slower, spend good quality time with my toddler in our home, and not feel pressured to constantly context switch and get moving. Plus - existing in sweatpants on a high-overwhelm day (can I coin this as a term?) is the way to go.
On days that we do make plans, I try to give a general sense of our day’s schedule to the person our plans are with, without committing to an exact time. An example of this in text form is: “We’ll probably be up from nap time around 3:30 PM — realistically we will not be over until 4:15 but I can keep you posted on our timing” and then I’ll update as we get closer.
Don’t have any hopes for time to yourself on high-overwhelm days:
This sounds a little sad but I promise it’s good advice. When you’re navigating a high-overwhelm day, you are the captain of the day and very much not the passenger. Your goal is to get your kids from point A (morning) to point B (bedtime) as smoothly as possible, and not to have a relaxing day yourself. If the nap gods smile upon you and you get a few minutes to yourself, that’s a huge bonus! BUT don’t plan for it - instead, ride the waves hour by hour, and do your best to stay calm. Also, refer back to mindset shift #1 — keeping your day as flexible as possible will help everything run more smoothly.
Please enjoy these two pics from our mostly-at-home weekend!
Reading:
For the kids, potty training edition:
1. The Potty Book for Girls (they have a boy’s version too!) — My toddler and I literally know every word of this book. We started reading it about a year ago and it’s still a favorite!
2. P is for Potty (a Sesame Street lift-the-flap book) — A fun, interactive way to introduce the concept with some favorite characters!
If you’ve ever felt like you’re more than just your job, The Portfolio Life by Christina Wallace is a great read (or listen, in my case!). It offers a practical, anti-hustle approach to work-life balance, encouraging you to diversify your skills, embrace flexibility, and build a fulfilling life beyond a single career path. Wallace, a Harvard professor and serial entrepreneur, shares research, case studies, and actionable steps to help you design a career and life that can evolve with you — without burning out. A worthwhile read for anyone thinking about long-term fulfillment and sustainability!
Pro tip: if you work somewhere that gives an annual professional development stipend, spend it on an Audible subscription! I did this and got 24 credits (aka books) to use/read this year.
Watching:
A new favorite of mine is the new Apple TV show Prime Target — it’s about a math genius on the brink of a breakthrough about prime numbers who becomes entangled in a dangerous conspiracy. I’ve been loving it so far!
Cooking:
My latest go-to dinner is duck sauce chicken — it's as easy as it sounds! You literally just take duck sauce, pour it on chicken and stick it in the oven. If you’re feeling fancy you can put some extra spices on top (my go-to’s are garlic powder, parsley, and paprika) but it’s not necessary. If you’re looking for a dinner that TRULY takes 2 minutes to prep, this is it!
Eyeing:
Anyone have the Chunk (Nugget ottoman)? We’re considering getting it as a functional play ottoman for our living room since my toddler loves to climb and jump, plus we don’t have an ottoman! Would love to hear if you have it and have thoughts - leave a comment below or respond to this email!
My friend Mallika shared this genius idea for a healthy meal: pink pasta! She blends onions, garlic, ricotta (or cream cheese), beets and parmesan and adds to pasta. I need to try this - my toddler would be all over this dish.
Trying:
As a little "return-to-work" gift to myself, I invested in a walking pad! I've been proud of how consistently I’ve stuck to a fitness routine over the past few months, but I worry that once I’m back at work, my daily movement will be replaced by hours of sitting at my computer. I love getting outside for walks when the weather is nice, but winter makes that much less appealing. I’m hoping the walking pad will help me stay active while working from home — I'll report back once I’ve given it a try!
That’s all for now! You’re doing great, mama. Keep at it!
~ Rachel
Coming up on The Motherload:
I’m returning to work soon and have LOTS of feelings about it
My master list of postpartum mom and baby must-haves
The mental load of feeding a baby
What else do you want to read about? I’m all ears!
I used to try to leave the house at least once a day with the kids, but lately all the toddler wants to do is play with his toys at home. That’s made the afternoons a bit easier, even if I sometimes get cabin fever.