Thanks for sharing these tips! It’s always so fun to see what works for different kids, in some ways all our children are different and in other ways there’s universal things that just work! To never ask a question when they don’t actually have a choice to say no is a big shift that we made when we first had toddlers and it has been so helpful for all my kids. Don’t say “do you want to go to bed” or “are you ready for bed” if they don’t actually have the autonomy to say no. Instead, “which pajamas do you want to wear- frogs or flowers?” And “do you want to go to bed after you finish building this tower or do you want to save it for tomorrow”. I see you mention choices in your article and honestly it’s the best!
Yes you’re right - it’s so funny how some things are just so universal. The idea you shared is a GREAT call — and one that I catch myself almost messing up a lot of the time!
Such a great piece! My recent Substack was about a trip out which involved a MASSIVE toddler meltdown so this would have been handy. I once heard ‘is it a no because it’s dangerous’. Makes me think through why I say no sometimes!
Totally! One of my favorite ideas on this is to explain the consequences when you say no – so instead of "don't play with the water fountain" say "if you play with the water you'll get all wet and we don't have extra clothes. You'll be cold and that will be no fun!"
Love these tips! I'll add that my kids (now 8 and 10) still can not resist "racing me" to do anything. I'll say "Last one to _______________ is a stinky rotten dinosaur egg" (I think I got this from an old episode of Dinosaur Train). I always fall down and ultimately lose and then groan and complain about "how unfair" it is that I NEVER win, and now I'm SO stinky!
This game helps me get them to the car, put on shoes, get to the bathroom for teeth brushing, etc. And it's fun to get to be the one complaining for once =)
These are such cool tips. I really love the rapid fire question suggestion. I'm going to come up with several great ones to try out next time they're needed. Awesome ideas here!! <3
Are you spying on me?! This list is perfectly curated for our own struggles! I can’t remember ever wanting sprinkles on anything but I’m about to order a big bag because you’re right — kids love them! Love that visual timer too. Thank you ❤️
I appreciate the reminder to respond with “yes, and” when my 2yo offers (begs, pleads, really) to help. It’s so hard when I want to just get the thing done! But we’ve had such fun together putting clothes in the laundry and doing other chores I loathe completing on my own
It’s SO hard!! And sometimes it feels so unnatural to let them help. But you’re right that typically it leads so much more fun together and that’s a great call to have them help with a chore you dislike!
I hear you! When I’m busy, stressed or we are all out of routine it’s SO easy for me to let the joy slide just to get to the end of my to do list. When I catch myself I have to ‘start again’. Your tips will help so many people!
That is so sweet! I try super hard to make parenting in years positive for both my kids and myself. I definitely don’t always score 100% but I am always proud of my efforts!
This is honestly some of the best advice I’ve read about working with toddlers to avoid the (developmentally appropriate) power struggle. I’m going to use them stat!
Wow this is such a huge compliment - thank you so much for reading and for your kind words! I hope the tips in practice are successful! I’d love to hear what works 🙃
I completely understand what you’re saying. My patience plummeted with my toddler when I had my second. This list was (in part) a reminder to me on how to slowly build my patience back up because I didn’t like how my lack of it was making me feel. But just so you know, survival mode is 100% valid and a very normal place to be. Mothering is so hard and where you find yourself now is a totally great place to be. I’m sure you’re doing amazing ☺️ here if you ever want to chat!
I loved your tips 😊 I do most of them with my toddler and work well too 💕What also works for us is agreeing what exactly is going to happen prior to visiting a playground for instance (we will play with this and that and then we say bye-bye and leave home for yummy dinner). That helps avoiding tantrums when we need to leave.
Thanks for sharing these tips! It’s always so fun to see what works for different kids, in some ways all our children are different and in other ways there’s universal things that just work! To never ask a question when they don’t actually have a choice to say no is a big shift that we made when we first had toddlers and it has been so helpful for all my kids. Don’t say “do you want to go to bed” or “are you ready for bed” if they don’t actually have the autonomy to say no. Instead, “which pajamas do you want to wear- frogs or flowers?” And “do you want to go to bed after you finish building this tower or do you want to save it for tomorrow”. I see you mention choices in your article and honestly it’s the best!
Yes you’re right - it’s so funny how some things are just so universal. The idea you shared is a GREAT call — and one that I catch myself almost messing up a lot of the time!
Such a great piece! My recent Substack was about a trip out which involved a MASSIVE toddler meltdown so this would have been handy. I once heard ‘is it a no because it’s dangerous’. Makes me think through why I say no sometimes!
Totally! One of my favorite ideas on this is to explain the consequences when you say no – so instead of "don't play with the water fountain" say "if you play with the water you'll get all wet and we don't have extra clothes. You'll be cold and that will be no fun!"
Amazing!
Love these tips! I'll add that my kids (now 8 and 10) still can not resist "racing me" to do anything. I'll say "Last one to _______________ is a stinky rotten dinosaur egg" (I think I got this from an old episode of Dinosaur Train). I always fall down and ultimately lose and then groan and complain about "how unfair" it is that I NEVER win, and now I'm SO stinky!
This game helps me get them to the car, put on shoes, get to the bathroom for teeth brushing, etc. And it's fun to get to be the one complaining for once =)
Hahah that’s great!!! I’ll definitely use that - and I totally get the appeal of being the one to get to complain. I’ll try it!!
These are such cool tips. I really love the rapid fire question suggestion. I'm going to come up with several great ones to try out next time they're needed. Awesome ideas here!! <3
Thank you! And I’m so glad that resonates - please report back! I’d actually love to hear the questions you come up with!
Are you spying on me?! This list is perfectly curated for our own struggles! I can’t remember ever wanting sprinkles on anything but I’m about to order a big bag because you’re right — kids love them! Love that visual timer too. Thank you ❤️
Hahah I am so happy I’m not alone in this crazy stage!!! Let me know how the tricks go and thank you for reading!
I have a 15 month old who is entering his toddler era – these tips are going to be life savers, I can tell! Thank you ☺️
Thank you for reading and wishing you the best of luck! 15 months is not an easy age - I hope these tips help!
I appreciate the reminder to respond with “yes, and” when my 2yo offers (begs, pleads, really) to help. It’s so hard when I want to just get the thing done! But we’ve had such fun together putting clothes in the laundry and doing other chores I loathe completing on my own
It’s SO hard!! And sometimes it feels so unnatural to let them help. But you’re right that typically it leads so much more fun together and that’s a great call to have them help with a chore you dislike!
I absolutely LOVE the emphasis on fun & play in these tips it carries us such a long way!
Thank you!! I try my best to infuse both in our days, though sometimes I feel like it’s an afterthought and I forget my own “making it fun” tactics
I hear you! When I’m busy, stressed or we are all out of routine it’s SO easy for me to let the joy slide just to get to the end of my to do list. When I catch myself I have to ‘start again’. Your tips will help so many people!
THANK YOU. I just added three of your suggestions to a shopping cart! Can attest to the "just add sprinkles" tip working every time, too.
So glad, Elin! I hope they’re helpful. And yes yes yes - sprinkles solve so many problems!
You sound like an absolutely amazing parent.
That is so sweet! I try super hard to make parenting in years positive for both my kids and myself. I definitely don’t always score 100% but I am always proud of my efforts!
This is honestly some of the best advice I’ve read about working with toddlers to avoid the (developmentally appropriate) power struggle. I’m going to use them stat!
Wow this is such a huge compliment - thank you so much for reading and for your kind words! I hope the tips in practice are successful! I’d love to hear what works 🙃
such helpful tips! love the ideas
I’m happy they were helpful!!
I have a 20 month old who is in the depths of constant tantrums, and this is so helpful!!! Thank you!
I am so glad!! FWIW it gets a little easier once they’re better able to communicate (from my experience!)
Whew I hope so 🥲
I give you a LOT of credit for patience and imagination. I tried being this mom with #1, but by the time colicky #2 arrived, it was survival mode.
Maybe I can be this patient imaginative grandma someday.
Also, just looked at your profile and realized that your kids are older now! So I imagine you figured out how to survive these young years 😂
We made it (mostly) unscathed. I did set aside some $ for their future therapy. 🤣🤣
I completely understand what you’re saying. My patience plummeted with my toddler when I had my second. This list was (in part) a reminder to me on how to slowly build my patience back up because I didn’t like how my lack of it was making me feel. But just so you know, survival mode is 100% valid and a very normal place to be. Mothering is so hard and where you find yourself now is a totally great place to be. I’m sure you’re doing amazing ☺️ here if you ever want to chat!
I loved your tips 😊 I do most of them with my toddler and work well too 💕What also works for us is agreeing what exactly is going to happen prior to visiting a playground for instance (we will play with this and that and then we say bye-bye and leave home for yummy dinner). That helps avoiding tantrums when we need to leave.